Me Me Me

I have an overblown ego. My favorite topic of conversation is me, me, me. I am self-centered (but not selfish). The non-selfish things I do in life are done just to make me feel good. I hate losing, in just about anything, arguments, sports, displays of self-worth. I do think that I am a gift to any girl I decide to chat with and any girl that decides to be with me. I do feel that it is my duty to share my awesome self with the world. It's self-serving and self-centered, but at the same time selfless.

Causes of Anxiety

I used to get approach anxiety really bad, and I still do, but in a different way. I used to think of all the ways the girl is going to embarrass me, but I know now that it just doesn't happen. I used to think that it would suck if I went up to a girl and she didn't like me, but that's just how it goes.

So what gives me anxiety now?
It's weird, especially when I have a good week, the very next night or week, I will have anxiety on my way home from work, or on my way out to meet girls. It's this feeling that I can't possibly live up to what I had accomplished last time out. Yes, it is definitely my ego getting in the way. Not to mention, when I debrief the interaction and i recognize points where I could have gone further in the interaction, and recognized key things I can fix for next time a similar situation occurs, I feel this need to somehow bring myself back to that exact situation, to that exact point in the interaction with a different girl, so that I can fix my mistake, even though I KNOW that every interaction is unique.

Sometimes I get indifference. I would go out, have a great interaction with a girl, and nothing comes out of it after the fact. That in itself sucks, but it's something that happens, cold approach isn't supposed to be easy. The thing is, I tend to project that into the next interaction. I go into the "what's the point" attitude. It's as if I act like I already know it's going to go nowhere and therefore I don't want to put in the effort, which is a terrible mindset to have.

Tonight I am going out, and I am going to do my best to not allow these things to cause me anxiety so that I can share myself with all the sexy ladies of the world.

Guys who are sitting at home, go out and flirt with women, it's a lot of fun. Realize that you don't know what is going to happen in an interaction until you are living it, in the moment.

FR: 10/30/2008 - Starbucks

Below is a snippet of a conversation I had with a friend about a girl I met.

Martyr - Last week, I went to Starbucks on Wednesday and I noticed a cute girl. She works there, but she was sitting to the side with a hoodie on and reading a book. I go over and say hi to her and told her i worked at the next building asked if she worked there (like I said, I recognized her). Pretty much really weak stuff, but the point is I made the approach. I bailed on it after a couple of words, but i did get her name. The next day, I see her again, doing the same thing and I say hi to her. I mentioned to her that she's trying to fit in with everyone again (with the hoodie and sitting to the side reading a book), but that was all and I ended up going back to my office. (Weak!)

TL - Haha, nice

Martyr - I sit at my desk for almost 10 minutes wondering why I didn't sit and chat with her, so i got up and went back down there.

TL - Is she cute? Does she work here?

Martyr - Yes. So i go back and I ask her if she has a couple of minutes and she says she has 7 (on break). Her leg was resting on a chair, and she moves her legs off the chair so that I could sit. I sit and I say, I just felt compelled to come back and chat with you. We chat for at least 10 minutes. I was really proud of myself. She's really cute and definitely a really sweet girl.

TL - Nice

Martyr - Apparently she dated some Asian guy at R.P.I. (not me)

TL - YEAH?????? STFU

Martyr - I doubt the guy was as charming as I was though

TL - I agree

Martyr - I forgot what we talked about, but I remembered asking myself at one point, what is going on in your life that is attractive that you can share with her. I told her I was going over to my 14 year old cousin's house that night to help her with her math homework. I heard she wasn't doing well the previous night and I felt a need to go help her get caught up and especially since she's going to the same high school I went to, I felt this connection with her and i just cant let her stumble.

TL - Your cousin goes to stuy? Nice.

Martyr - That story hit perfectly, she absolutely melted.

TL - Nice, now u guys can go grab lunch or something.

Martyr - Maybe. I was waiting in line for coffee today and she saw me and waved and smiled at me. I got to the cashier and I said to the cashier (a different girl) I haven't voted yet today, but I promise you I will after work (free coffee if you voted today) and the cute girl overheard and laughed. I didn't even think it was that funny. She must have been paying attention. I got free coffee. I love flirting with women.

==============================================================================

There's more - this conversation took place during the event:

1:50 PM me: yesterday, i said hi to the girl that works at starbucks

she was taking a break

it was pretty weak

D: man, you have got to see me work

I get free coffee, or free coffee upgrades

me: i said hi to her again today, but i am definitely headed towards friendzone

D: I get offered to make out and have sex

I get free bagles

1:51 PM me: how do i stay out of friendzone without creeping someone out

i got it

D: most bars all I have to do is bend over the bar and the bartender is at my side

um, you grow boobs

me: i said hi to her again today

again, it was worthless chatter

1:52 PM i think next time i see her on break, i am going to join her at her table

and have coffee with her

D: sounds good

me: today was weird because co workers went there with me

D: just don't say what bacon boy said to me

me: they would be watching

D: yeah

guys are crazy

1:54 PM me: i've been nice to her, which is ok, i need to turn on my inner flirt

what if i went back now

to sit with her

would that be creepy?

D: too strange

don't do it

me: but then there's no doubt of my intent

right now it's straight to friend zone

1:56 PM D: you don't know eachother enough to be in friend zone

ok, go

but don't be wierd

ask if you can sit and have coffee with her

but when you ask her out, don't ask to have coffee :P

me: hahaha

i might not ask her out at all

1:57 PM i was nervous when i saw her today

i wasnt nervous the first time i said hi to her

D: well you are nervous now because she is a prospect

1:58 PM me: right

with complete strangers

i have nothing to lose

here i already established a little something

D: yeah, true

1:59 PM so you know what I am nervous about

election day

12 minutes

2:11 PM me: she went to bucknell

dated an asian guy from rpi

D: ?

me: fluent in mandarin

D: oh, you taked to her

me: grew up in long island

minutes away from where we were

2:12 PM trying to get into publishing

2:13 PM recently graduated (this past may)

she knows where i am from

and what i am up to tonight

and what i do at work and where i want to be (san diego)

2:14 PM wasnt fllirty enough, but i got through some basic stuff

D: that's cool

me: i did something 80% of other guys wouldnt be able to do

2:15 PM D: you showered this morning?

me: .....

2:16 PM D: that is something 80% of other guys wouldn't be able to do

2:17 PM me: i did shower this morning

i was referring to sitting down and chatting with a complete stranger during the day

D: I know, I was joking you silly boy you

8 minutes

2:26 PM me: i was nervous

D: aw

8 minutes

2:35 PM me: i always am

thanks for saying "ok, go"

not that i needed you permission

but it helped

2:36 PM D: yeah

I thought about it

and being a girl, I should be more "romantic"

2:37 PM and that leads me to thinking about how people should just take the plunges they need to take

there is this song called "If it kills me" by jason mraz

you should check it out

me: not at work

2:39 PM D: ok

What I Believe Game is at the Moment

I think for me, and for a lot of other people getting into game, we thought that by having killer game, we can get any girl we want. This is simply not true. Not by a long shot. Since being in the field a lot and meeting a lot of women, I have a new idea of what game is, and what a pickup entails. First things first, I know even with the best game in the world, I cannot go up to just any girl and have her. Women (and men) are emotional creatures, and you may have caught them at a bad time, or they are simply not interested in dating outside their pre-existing relationships or a variety of other reasons. You may just not be good looking enough for her. I know that I am not a great looking guy, and being a minority that is perceived as non-sexual definitely does not help, but I do know that I have in the past made approaches on extremely hot women and gotten attraction instantly. Does it happen all the time? Hell no! Does it happen often enough that I will keep approaching extremely hot women? Hell yes!

So what exactly is game to me? Well first off, to me, game is being able to make yourself as attractive as possible, through both external and internal means. External being your look, your body language, your tonality, your ability to make strong eye contact. Internal being your lifestyle. Having an attractive lifestyle that girls are attracted to which involve having a strong identity, being a risk taker, having passions in life, etc. Once you have that down, you can walk up to girls and be that attractive guy you already are. Is that enough? No. The second part of game is to lead the interaction forward. That is a little more complicated manner, which I am still trying to figure out. But this involves exciting the girl emotionally, being able to build comfort with the girl, showing her that you are interested in more than just conversation, expressing things that reflect the attractive person that you already are, etc.

So game is two folds. You are increasing the amount of girls that are attracted to you (you will never get to 100%, but you can definitely improve the percentage you start at dramatically), and with those where there is mutual attraction, you are able to lead it forward towards an end goal (one night stand, bed buddies, exclusive relationship, etc.)

Good luck.

FR 10/31/08 - Halloween Craziness

I know I haven't posted in a while, and initially I was hesitant about posting this field report because I didn't want to stroke my ego for having a good night, but William mentioned that this is a breakthrough in my reality and I should document it, and be accountable to pushing myself even further beyond this, and so I decided to write this 2 part FR

Halloween night - I was too lazy to get a costume, and I recalled a statement my friend made a week prior about my new style (she hadn't seen me in a year). She mentioned I looked all punk rock now, and that she liked the new look. I decided to dress the way I normally do, added a Tinsley Tattoo sleeve, grabbed the drum sticks from my Rock Band set, and poof! I am now a drummer in a rock band, done!

I actually had a number of interactions, direct approached the entire night, even though I thought that going direct may not have been good because these girls in the skimpy costumes were already getting that all night, but I didn't care. It actually worked out, I did have some good interactons. At one point, I noticed this girl in a Little Red Riding Hood costume...

Not only was my drummer "costume" easy, it was a stereotype of someone girls want to sleep with, and since it involved no mask and no makeup, there's one less barrier for a girl to get through.
On my way to the bathroom, I noticed this girl walking in the opposite direction, towards something/someone behind me, I kept eye contact as we closed the distance between us. Instead of walking past her, I decided to stop in front of her.

We start making out. No words at all, just liplock. And then she walks away from me.

On my way out of the bathroom, as I am walking towards my friends, I notice her again, I touch/turn her shoulder to get her attention and then we went for another round of makout. Again, no words, and then her friend pulls her away.

Wow! I have never experienced something like that before. I am so glad I have been working on my eye contact.

I ended up talking to other girls, so I never did see her again, but again, I have NEVER experienced that before. I still don't know the sound of her voice, we never exchanged words. All those times in the past when I didn't think girls would be purely physically attracted to me, this is another dent against that old mentality.

==============================================================================

I did not get to pull that night, but there was another fun story as I headed back to my car. I was walking on the sidewalk with 2 friends and one of them spots a girl and says "eh, not thin enough" or something like that, and the other friend yells "it's tinkerbell!". After the words, I took a look at her, and noticed that this girl was smokin' hot. So as she is passing us, I turn around and start walking with her.
Touch/turn her shoulder as I open
Martyr - Hi. You are gorgeous, I had to come over and say hi to you

She starts saying how she has a family thing in the morning and she has to get home, but otherwise she would be down to hang out some more. As she is saying all this, we are literally holding hands walking down the block. And then this comes out of my mouth "Wait... so you're not coming home with me tonight?" She laughs.

I tell her that before she goes, I have just one question to ask her. She says what?

Martyr - On a scale from one to ten, how good of a kisser are you?
HBTinkerbell - I know what you are trying to do, you are such a slut!

Earlier in the week, my friend was telling me I should scale down the player vibe because it might be detremental to me getting girls, I decided that if that is indeed who I am, I need to embrace it fully. And it was pretty funny, because this friend has stressed not playing games with women and being honest with them, and him telling me to work against giving off a player image is actually a very dishonest thing to do. I have always been a player, I just wasn't very good at it before. So this "shit test", if it even was one, was incredibly easy to pass:

Martyr - Damn right!

And then we start making out! 15 seconds from approach to makeout, with everything happening on the street, wow! We stopped for a second, and I say to her, "we can definitely do better than that", she says yea, and then we go for another round! After that, she said, something along the lines of "wow, you are a good kisser", as she sped down the block.

==============================================================================

Things I did that I had never done:
1) 2 make outs in one night
2) Admit that I am indeed a slut
3) Make out with a girl I met on the street seconds from meeting her
4) Make out with a girl I never exchanged words with

Things I did well:
1) Did not shy away from getting physical
2) Embraced who I was

Things I could have done better:
1) Stay in set
2) Tried to pull
3) I did have some to drink during the night, so this was not done completely sober.