The Hammer, the Technique, and the Nailing

I thought of this analogy last night, and I found it really amusing so I'll post it here. In terms of getting girls, you can think of it as a hammer banging away at a nails.

1) Strike Frequency - this is how many times you approach a girl, how many times you try to make out with a girl, how many times you put yourself in a position to get a girl, etc. The more times you strike the hammer, the better your chances are at nailing.

2) Hammering Technique - the more times you strike, the more opportunities you have to improve your ability to strike. The more you analyze it (field reports), the more you see your mistakes. If you have outside help in analyzing it (wings, coaches), that also helps you to improve your technique. I suppose this is what you would call "game". This will optimize the amount of times you successfully nail given what you have to work with.

3) Your Hammer - This is what you have to work with - your existing identity, your physical appearance, your passions, your ambitions, your personality. If you have a really good tool to work with, then you wouldn't need to strike as often or as well. This part can also be worked on (lifestyle). So work on improving your tool if you want the nailing to be easier.

In real life, I know these are inter-related - if you're confident (hammer) then you will approach more often (strike frequency), if you are skillful in moving interactions forward (technique) then you will recognize and take opportunities more often (strike frequency), if you strike a lot and get lucky (strike frequency) then your confidence will improve (hammer).

However, my point is that all three aspects need to be improved upon, so pound away a ton, work on improving your ability to pound, work on making what you have to pound with better, and you'll end up nailing a lot.

FR 01/02/09 - Made Guy Get Desperate and Needy

William spotted this cute ass girl with dirty blond hair who showed up with an entourage of people, both guys and girls. He told me something I already knew - "Here comes the Long Island chick". He knows I like Long Island looking girls. I didn't approach her at the time, but after spotting her a couple more times that night, I didn't care who she was with, I wanted to go for that one. She was chatting with this guy at the time, and I was more than prepared for an amog battle. In fact, as I approached, I mentioned to Unreal - watch this guy try to tool me.

Martyr - Young Lady
HBDirtyBlonde - Yes?
Martyr - I noticed you about an hour ago, and I wanted to come say hi to you, and I didn't, but I'm here now, hi! You are totally gorgeous
HBDirtyBlonde - Thank you! I'm HBDirtyBlonde
Martyr - I'm Martyr

Notice how the guy was basically never in the picture. In fact, Unreal told me the guy watched me in astonishment, and eventually walked away to talk to some other friends.

I talked about my dislike of bars and nightclubs, however, they exist for me to interact with people. I told her she looked like a Long Island girl (she isn't).

Talked about New Years Resolutions. I shared mine, she shared hers, turns out hers is sports related. I told her about my basketball team, and how I am teaching my 14 year old cousin how to play tennis. She's asking me questions about my basketball team, and we talked about the sports she played growing up.

She gets pulled away from me by her friends (dammit! again tonight!). Anyway, I ended up talking to other girls, but I did notice her again later that night. The guy she was chatting with earlier has become as needy as a guy is going to get. He was ignoring the rest of the social group, followed her around, he was DETERMINED not to give me another window. I ended up chatting with other girls. Eventually, Unreal tells me she went over to coat check. Sure, I'll reapproach.

Walked over to her -
Martyr - Hey HBDirtyBlonde, I gotta tell you something
HBDirtyBlonde - Yes?
Martyr - I met this really sweet girl earlier and I completely forgot to ask her if she would go on a date with me
HBDirtyBlonde - Oh?
Martyr - Yes, would you go on a date with me?
HBDirtyBlonde (with hand on my chest) - Awe, I have a boyfriend
Martyr - That doesn't answer my question. Would you go on a date with me?
HBDirtyBlonde (with increasing amounts of touching between us) - I'm a good girl, but you'll find someone. I'll pinky swear on that.

Got a kiss on the cheek and that was about the end of it. I went for it, there is no way that guy orbiting her is her boyfriend, he can continue to waste time as he chooses.

_________________________________________________________________

Things I did that I had never done
Approached a girl who was chatting with just one guy at a nightclub setting

Things I did well
Went right into rapport building.
Made the guy irrelevant

Things I could have done better
Not sure... I thought I was pretty solid.

Why Attraction Switch Stories Work

Hey everyone,

Why do attraction switch stories work? Personally, I don't truly believe that it's triggering the switches that gets the girl to be attracted to you. In fact, I believe that what gets you the girl is successfully LEADING an interaction, from approach to bantering to comfort to direct interest to escalation, and only that. However, I do believe that story telling is important in filling that time. It's important for the girl to know who you are, at some level. She may not need your life story, or even the story of your week, but she needs something to know that the guy she wants to sleep with is not a loser.

Noticed how I said she wants him to not be a loser, as opposed to the most attractive person she's met in a while. This is why I believe the demonstration of higher value stories work. As long as you follow the switches, you avoid being painted as a loser while letting her know you better. The following is a list of some attraction switches I try to hit when I tell my stories and the antithesis of those attraction switches.

1 - Passionate Man - Disinterested Man
2 - Pre-selected by Women - Deselected by Women
3 - Man with Future Ambitions - Man of No Desires
4 - Protector of Loved Ones - Destroyer of Loves Ones
5 - Man of Action - Man of Inaction
6 - Sense of Humor - Lack of Humor
7 - Energetic / Playful - Lethargic / Dull
8 - Financial Status - Financial Instability
9 - Experienced Man - Inexperienced Man
10 - Sexual Safety - Sexual Risk

Again, I don't think it's exactly the attraction switches that gets you the girl. I think it's letting her know who you are, while avoiding the antithesis of the attraction switches, while you lead an interaction, that gets you the girl. Guys who are naturally good with women naturally share who they are without having to keep the attraction switches in mind because they naturally avoid the antithesis of the attraction switches.

So for guys who are not naturally good in relating to women, try to alter stories that paint you as a loser (i.e. not following the attraction switches), and try to relate your experiences to others following the attraction switches. If you are not naturally good at improvising stories, then you need to sit down and figure out what you want the world (female world) to know about you, and then write down a couple of stories to tell to convey that. Use the attraction switches as a guideline to make sure you are not painting yourself in an unattractive way. You'll be amazed how much more people will respect you and be attracted to who you already are.

If you truly do not have stories about yourself that fall into attraction switch categories, you need to take a good hard look at who you are and consider working on that.